... etonic's journey ...
Sunday, July 31, 2005
2dae marks e end of july'05...time juz flies...n it's exactly 17 more days 2 e 17th of aug...which is something...haixx...dun even noe how m i gonna face tis day man...wateva it is lah...if we r reallie meant 2 b 2gether...we'll still b 2gether even after yrs down e road ba...if we r reallie not...den no matter how hard i tried oso no use...pain is still veri strong dere but i cant do nething 2 heal...i belief he's happily enjoying his life now...n me tis damn dumb gal here making so much trouble 4 myself...haixx...how long is it gonna take me man??i cant take it le...=(newae...shall blog something happie ba...went 2 run wif lian tee 2dae...n finallie i get 2 tk pix le...she's so xing fu...got digicam...i oso wan...last time where eva i go oso got him 2 bring his digicam...now got 2 depend on my frenz...onlie tk few but betta den nothing...=)) saw 3 jap guys 2dae...as in damn yandao n cute ones...oh my tian...haha...2 bad...it's impossible de...they r juz out dere 4 me 2 bio...lolx...went town n den bugis...n i saw janson at bugis street...finallie get 2 tok 2 her when lian tee buying her ear rings...she's still as butchy as eva...haha...kind of miss those days when she was wif my sis ba...so sweet n vulgar...funnie couple...haha
-y do pple rather choose 2 tk e tough path??y do pple wanna avoid rather den facing it??y do pple wanna 4get all e memories when it's so sweet??every1 do mk mistakes in life...no 1 is perfect in tis world...every1 deserve chances despite how big e matter is-
-zutto zutto hitoride-
Saturday, July 30, 2005
i h8 construction!!!damn it lah...juz haf 2 wk me up frm my beauty slp...n finallie i can slp back n haf sweet dreams le...it's juz so finallie...=))well...let's c wat happened yes...was doing my report during work n didnt even realise got guest walked in until they sae excuse me...lolx...so engross into report meh??so when my manager came in...she ask if i was veri busy...i juz told her im doing my report...can hor??guess wat she sae...okie lor...juz go ahead n do...juz tell me 1 thing...tis kind of manager where 2 find?!?!haha...shahidah was lyk mad...coz i tied my hair yes mah...4get 2 bring hairband...den she keep pulling it out n tied back 4 me...lolx...yes work 4 10 hrs but didnt expect e time 2 pass damn fast...plus i ate damn lots yes...haha...b4 lunchie i eat chocolates...sweet n biscuits...n lunch eat again...den after tt eat chocolates...sweet n twisties...haha...plus my colleague gif me durian puff 2 eat...oh my tian...it's so damn nice...i oso wanna buy...lolx...den b4 go meet e 13's...ate dinner at lyk 6 again...haha
met up wif my classmates n guess wat...as usual lah...late n late...haha...tt's y i purposely eat le den go...but sad case was didnt manage 2 catch bug me not...coz e last time slot was at lido at 6...haixx...in e end watch e island digital at 10...while waiting...guess wat...eat again...went 2 maestro bistrol...i had a cookies n chips ice cream...yummy...shd haf a pure chocolates stuffs which will b so much betta...haha...ate so damn much yes...ltr bcum a big fat pig...lolx...they went 2 play pool...wanted 2 try so much but i scare malu...so yah...juz watch...floyd is damn pro lah...total played 6 games n all e 6 games oso got him...he didnt even lose once...juz imagined how e pool table will b lyk if i played wif him...haha
guess wat...i luv my movie tiz no...threatre is no 3 n my seat no is k17...so nice rite??newae...e island wasnt as nice as i tink...it's okie onlie lah...floyd fell aslp n xz keep complaining 2 me damn sian...haha...e actions is not bad but mayb e whole thing is 2 fake le ba...not realistic de...everything is so damn high tech...haha...newae feeling was kind of weird while watching ba...coz used 2 haf some1 bside me n can cuddle in his arms...now everything is so diff le...juz got 2 get used 2 it...wanted 2 pull joey or xz's shirt when those cruel parts come...but juz used my hands 2 cover or turned away...coz i shy...haha...newae after tt e few of them keep making fun of themselves...cum out wif some 2pid names...haha...cant wait 4 nez week le...so many movies coming out...n i wanna watch charlie n e chocolate factory...chocolates!!!n of coz...wanna watch bug me not 1st...unless some1 got e movie can send me...haha
i wanna fisherman's village wif my cousin ltr...but cant...his car is long gone le...so inconvenient...wanna tok 2 them...ask them help me shut my parents up...fisherman's village so nice 2 chill out...guess now at most onlie can go tiong bahru...haha...newae saw on e papers yes tt zouk is closing down 4 revamp...so hueva wanna go hurry go...coz i dunno how long it's gonna closed...=))
-zutto zutto hitoride-
Thursday, July 28, 2005
arh!!!tis is so sianz...i dunno wat 2 do wif my report le...lolx...finallie i got e motivation 2 do my report le...so happie 4 myself...even brought it 2 work juz now 2 continue 2 do...was kind of rush juz now lah...end attachment at 5 n start at 6...dun even haf time 2 eat...sad sad...but when i wanna do...was busy lyk hell man...ended up onlie manage 2 edit all e fonts 4 my tor n print them out...my gp mates muz thanz me man...print a total of 8 sets 4 all of them...haha...now m so so worrie...dun even noe can finish it in time not...*cross fingers n pray pray*
mayb i shd clarify tis wif every1 here...if u didnt read my bloggie den is 2 bad...haha...i noe many many of u out dere r still veri worrie 4 me...n some of u sae im still having hopes n stuffs...hmm...i shall admit it den...im still holding hopes...i mean it's lyk if i didnt even haf ne hope...den i e feelings oledi long gone le mah...i belief he did tt last chinese garden when he knew i was so persistent n stuffs...n c wat happened??nv gif up ba...but i oso noe e higher hopes u haf...e greater disappointment...but no worries yah...all e hopes im holding on is coz e feelings r still dere n nothing else...if can so easily 4get i oso wan...den i wun haf 2 suffer even until now mah...juz takes time yah...but how long it's gonna take i oso dunno...but at least i noe im recovering bit by bit now le...so i'll juz take things slow...=))
2molo is a happie dae 4 me...coz coz finallie im going 2 watch a movie at e cinema!!!haha...my last movie was kingdom of heaven which is lyk so damn long ago...haha...n yes...im going wif my classmates...alwae wif them n i luv hanging out wif them...they put in so much effort 2 company me every now n den...so gan dong...*huggies*...i wanna watch e chinese movie dunno wat bug wan lah...a romance movie...oh my tian...arent i making myself suffer??haha...but im still so excited...juz pray tt wun admire e couple in tt show 2 much...coz they r those kind of sweet n cute couple...arh!!! i oso wan...lolx...my future bai ma wang zi hurry appear in front of me...lolx
newae...i tink im taking some kind of drug now...my dressing suddenly change so much...haha...every1 ard me sae i bcum so gal le...nowadays keep seeing me wear skirts...plus i luff my current hairstyles...make me got so much style n look so lively...haha...tink grow up le...dress sense muz change a bit...most of e credits goes 2 alan...thanz 4 giving so much comments...n oso 2 jock hu alwae company me shop n shop lyk mad...hehe...n oso not 4getting my colleagues 4 teaching me how 2 put on make ups during work...im bcuming more n more vain now le...which is equals 2 more n more broke...so pity 4 my future bf...he's gonna spend so damn lots on me nez time...haha...okie...i shall stop dreaming n get back wif my report n den slp coz 2molo working frm 8-6...*dead*...haha...n den c all my class darlings...=p
-aishiteru-
-zutto zutto hitoride-
im dead...juz so dead...haixx...juz realise my student card got lost 2dae when i need 2 use it nez fri 2 submit my report...muz haf misplaced it in e library yes...die le lah...but i die die oso dun wanna mk a new wan...coz gonna graduate le...waste money...haha...got so much things 2 do 4 report...n e appendixes got so much...so many many diagrams...dun even noe can complete in time not...plus i got 2 work n oso nafra...all clash...2pid nafra lah...noe we attachment still put us 4 nafra tis sem...ict lecturers r all so dumb man...lolx...dun feel lyk working but no choice...everything oso got 2 depend on myself...so stressed...i cant cope le lah!!!
newae...thanz 2 jane 4 tt entry in her bloggie which was dedicated 2 me...i'll try my bez lah...but now everything is so important 2 me...everything is at e peak le...if i handle tis...e other will die...so tk it slow ba...dun wanna collapse again...n oso thanz 4 e company 2dae...n oso company me 2 wait 4 my bus...my frenz r sociable rite??haha...but i juz realise i 4get 2 intro hu is hu...haha...mayb nez time ba...n can u pls tell me hu's tt particular person u r refering 2 abt...u noe lah...lolx
2dae went 2 run wif my classmates...n guess wat??it's all guys...i feel so stressed 2 run wif guys...coz e pace all juz 2 far...chris pang seh us last min as usual...n joey got something on n onlie i noe wat is it...haha...so yah...ran wif xz alan floyd n daniel...floyd run damn fast...he completed in 9++ min...xz alan n me were lyk so slack...run so slow...but im a gal...at least still at e passing rate...they failed...haha...i c them stopped den i oso stopped...juz hope nafra no1 will walk lah...if not i'll get influence oso...haha...but i juz missed s&w so much...so long nv exercise le...guess nez sem will join back cca but not sure whether 2 go back obs or wat...lolx...
funnie part was all of us went 2 get a fresh milk after tt...den proceed 2 kap...all oso cant finish food...den xz n jane damn bo liao...1st time c each other den bet on some 2pid stuff...hueva lose muz finish up e fries...but was fun hanging out wif them lah...i seriously missed studying life...tis attachment sux totallie...2 my classmates: can i book all of u guys on e 9th n 17th aug??tis is a veri advanced booking le...haha...newae i cant wait 4 31st oct le...which is e start of our final sem...n i guess all will split claz le...sad sad...but dun 4get 2 meet up yah...=))
-zutto zutto hitoride-
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
2dae is a cold n shag dae 4 me...haixx...dun haf e drive 2 start my report...every1 haf oledi started le...n my word cout is still at 0 when e minimum is 10000 words excluding appendixes n stuffs...plus my english sux...dunno how 2 start...i need some1 hu's damn free 2 help me...haixx...slack at library whole dae listening 2 my mp3...onlie aisha shank will noe actuallie wat happened since chris n fiona r in their romance mood...lolx...juz hope tt i can start my report asap...coz haf 2 submit nez fri...plus i've got 2 work...plus i've got 2 keep myself so busy...still searching 4 my motivation 4 fyp...cant afford 2 fail since it's ending le...plus tis fyp is so hard 4 me 2 go through...haixxafter blogging yes...tt 2 gal came 2 tok 2 me 2dae...so proud ah...lolx...jane company me through lunch break n woan yi after attachment...thanz 2 jane's lame jokes...n i juz miss them...but cant luff lyk last time so much le...but at least did smile...thanz lots...=)) went 2 holland v wif woan yi n after tt town...dunno wat 2 do oso...juz walking so aimlessly n she juz company me 2 walk n walk...can c tt she's veri tired le...so sorrie...
tink i might b giving up on saving 4 my hong kong trip le...coz i wanna get a digicam 1st...so tt when i go dere i can tk as many pix as possible...it's been so long since i took a pix...sianz...nobody wanna tk pix wif me...interest lyk stuck here n dere le...n when attachment ends...i wanna go ecp cycle n scream lyk mad by myself...so tt pple cant recognise me...haha
falling in luv is juz so sweet...but breaking up is juz so sad...i juz wanna continue sleeping n dreaming in my lalaland where breaking up does not exist in my dictionary...haf learnt so much things recently...breaking up is a real sensitive word which shdnt b said at all when u dun even haf e intention 2 break despite how pissed off u r...coz once it's said...e other party will take it into his/her heart since he/she doesnt noe how u feel deep down...haixx...traces of so many things r left here n dere...dun wanna tink so much so my future le...juz take 1 step at a time...mayb tis will make me feel betta...let nature takes its' course ba...
newae...thanz 2 jane 4 sending me so many many songs yes...lyrics r all so nice...n out of all...e bez is solitaire by clay aiken...some pple hu saw me toking will noe wat happen lah...rite??juz wanna change e lyrics frm a him 2 her...n her 2 him...tt will b so perfect 4 me...lolx...wanted 2 put as my bloggie song but cant coz file 2 big...ne1 noe how 2 reduce e file size??so here goes e lyrics:
There was a man
A lonely man
Who lost his love
Through his indifference
A heart that cared
That went unshared
Until it died
In his silence
And solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him takes him down
And by himself it’s easy to pretend
He’ll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He’s playing solitaire
Another day
A lonely day
So much to say
Goes unspoken
And through the night
His sleepless night
His eyes are closed
His heart is broken
And solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him takes him down
And by himself it’s easy to pretend
She's coming back again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He’s playing solitaire
A little hope
Goes up in smoke
Just how it goes
Goes without saying
Solitaire
And by himself it’s easy to pretend
He’ll never love again
Oh, and keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always end the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He’s playing solitaire
Solitaire
Solitaire
okie...im juz gonna scold all at 1 shot now despite hu u r...whoeva is not happie wif my tagboard can juz stop reading...n i sae again...i dun wan nemore arguements going on in my tagboard...n tt goes 4 sean's tagboard as well...u guys r all making things frm bad 2 worse...we both had enuff oledi...so juz stop it...he need peace n i need oso...im oledi having a damn hard time so stop giving me troubles...his bloggie was e onlie place where i could c how haf he been doing...n now...c wat all of u haf done...he moved his bloggie...happie...n im so sorrie but i juz haf 2 sae tis lah...those hu went 2 tagged on his bloggie make tis thing goes worse...im juz gonna leave it dere for 3 days...n if things dun change...im juz gonna remove away my tagboard...n wateva i blogg...will b all kinds of rubbish n nothing concerning abt me...fair enuff??
we haf broken up 4 few mths le...he can do wateva he wants n so can i...nobody haf rights 2 stop wateva things we r doing...he can alwae look 4 some1else n yah...i admit it's pain...but so...all i wanted was us 2 b frenz n tt's all...u all got all e things cock up lyk hell...im happie 4 him even though i still luv him lots n yes obviously envy n jealousy...but hu doesnt wish 2 get loved...stop giving both of us troubles...n juz get a life lah...tis is our veri own things...i've got my own ways 2 love n 2 4get...n loving 1 doesnt mean haf 2 b 2gether...dun force me until i gif up on luv...pls!!!
i tink e 1 hu r most sensible now is non other den woan yi n jane...look at wat they tagged??tis is wat i call true frenz k...plus wat...woan yi n i haf been through so much things in e pass...im juz so happie on how she support both of us...coz e friendship among me her n sean will nv b spoilt juz coz of our relationship...n woan yi...if u happen 2 c me in skool...come find me...got things 2 tell u...n thanz 4 e tags...=))
if all these continues...i'll nv tok 2 ne1 abt my probs nemore...rather keep it 2 myself n act as if nothing happens if tt's wat every1 wants...a bloggie is a place where i could blog wateva i feel n tagboard r 4 frenz hu reallie cares n not argue...get tis point str8 all of u...n e more u guys argue...e harder it is 2 move on...so stop it...both of us juz wanna lead a happie life now...plus im gonna graduate frm poly oledi...juz wanna leave all those sweet n memorable moments wif me...n 2 4get all e hurtful n bad ones...juz treat it as it's my wish b4 graduating...thanz!!!
m looking 4ward 2 e ending of attachment...n im juz gonna stay out frm hm 4 few days...pple here r juz giving me so much stress...making me feel worse n etc...i've got my own feelings n i juz hope every1 gif a thot 2 how me n sean feels...u guys haf oso been in few r/s...so dun tell me all e previous x haf 2 argue until lyk tt??juz wanna go 2 a place where i dun c ne1 n scream everything out...i need a break!!!
-zutto zutto hitoride-
Sunday, July 24, 2005
haixx...wat is happening 2 my tagboard now...every1 n i mean every1...even though u r some1 close 2 me...dun argue nemore lah...n dun go sean's bloggie 2 tagged all those stuffs lah...now i understand y is he so irritated le...i noe every1 cares abt how we feel but yah...we got feelings 2...dun purposely go hurt each other nemore le...i've seriously learnt so much things frm tis r/s le...quarrel cant solve nething...juz let ourselves cool down...tis thing lies onlie 2 of us...so juz let us settle ourselves ba...concern yes...but not in tis way...coz tis will onlie hurt our friendship more...so pls stop k...tis goes 2 every1 out dere...tagboard r 4 frenz 2 lyk encourage n not 2 hurt...rem ah...=))newae...2dae had diarrhoea when working...guess it's yes e chu chao we eat ba...so joey i dun tink is e milkshake tt mk u so pain ba...tk care ah...m suppose 2 go out shopping wif my mum but so qiao she got funeral 2 attend...tink it's fated i cant spend time wif my family...lolx...plus 2dae is e last day of great spore sales le...sad...but oledi spend damn lots n i mean damn lots on tops...haha...hmm...quite regret lah...coz shd haf save all e money which can help me 2 go hong kong earlier...mayb after attachment...i cant wait 2 go disneyland...a place filled wif dream...lalaland...n i haf nv tk a plane b4...all these were meant 2 go wif him de...e 1st plane rite n stuffs...but i oso dunno le...does dream reallie come true??haixx...newae i juz cant wait 2 go...since my holiday is gonna b a whole of 2 mths...im juz gonna work lyk mad during sep n mayb can go in oct le...den nez yr graduate go wif secret 6 again...haha
on national dae i wanna go esplanade...coz i wanna watch fireworks again...coz i dun haf ndp tix...so pls pls...hope those hu went wif me last yr 2 watch can company me again...coz i juz need all of u guys...juz bring all ur gf n bf down oso...i juz wanna watch it once again...it's juz so nice n yah...i lyk e sweet memories of 1 yr ago...n nothing can b done 2 erase it...lucky took pix last yr...if not will b so sad...memories n memories...so sweet...how nice would it b if it's reality...*bleah*
pple!!!dun close my bloggie 1st k...haha...coz listen 2 e song i added...it's gonna tk a while...n yah it's a veri common song lah...but it's damn nice...muz appreciate my effort 4 uploading...so pls finish listening b4 closing e window...haha...4eva luv by wang li hong...njoy!!!
-zutto zutto hitoride-
muz sae it's a finallie man...i get 2 meet up wif robynne lian tee n sharlene(risk)...as in e 4 of us go out 2gether...dunno wat's robynne doing lah...she can actuallie stay in e flash & slash shop 4 lyk 1++ hr i tink...lolx...i guess e 4 of us r all still e same ba...juz tt can c every1 haf grown up frm sec days le...miss stc life ba...newae...robynne is still so gd at shopping in cold storage...can buy so many many things even when is not at our hm e ntuc dere...haha...n oso bread...no change...but y she cant grow fat de??so gd hor...lolx
2 my dear little lian tee dere...cheer up gal...u gotta b strong k??dun let all these things push u all e way down...he's not worth everything mah...juz look at me n shar...we r a veri gd example le...but m sorrie tt cant reallie console u coz im oso pushing myself hard now...nething can alwae call me since im lyk so free on earth now...lolx...but 1 thing...listen 2 ur...ditch him n dun let him ditch u...though it hurts but u'll feel betta nez time...coz gal got pride oso...c my case...at least i ditch him though he was so reluctant 2 patch...so yah...tis will b a gd drive 2 push u on...dun eva b soft hearted...coz guys r all e same...they change gal lyk change clothes...once it's wash...things r gone 4eva 2 them...so move on...we belief u can do it de...=))
met up wif joey when robynne n shar left...joey m so ke lian...coz she's lyk facing me n lian tee...n she dunno hu 2 turn 2 ba...haha...but im moving le...so it's okie...once u c me lame...means tt im back 2 e kylie wong u all once noe...haha...time is wat i need now...still young mah...njoy life 1st...y muz go suffer all tis many many things rite??haha...n reallie thanz 4 e effort 2 tok 2 me n lian tee...
went 2 esplanade 2 eat chu chao wif e 2 of them...juz nice got ndp rehersal...so saw all e planes n yah...fireworks...same place n ard e same day 1 yr ago where we watched fireworks...didnt drop a tear which means it's starting 2 bcum part of my memories le...n instead i juz smile 2 it...though 1 yr ago was reallie sweet out dere...but 2dae was oso sweet coz i can spend time wif e 2 of them...n i juz luv galz nite...haha...wat 2 do...i juz luv galz mah...which means...more butch!!!hahaha
was damn worried 4 lian tee when she left...luckily she called n feel much more relieved le...joey n me went 2 town tcc...slack dere n i haf a piece of cheese cake even though was kind of full...but juz wanna squeezed everything into my stomach 2 make it recover more fast...lolx...hope joey is happie when im eating...haha...n i tink she buay tahan me le...i c butch lyk dunno c wat...can spot them fast de...coz i luv looking ard...scenery r e bez 2 look at...n yesh esp butch man...but e bez of e bez was wat i saw yes...so coincidence or mayb shd i sae it's fated 4 me 2 c...at least now he cant hide le...so juz blog out everything so openly...n tt oso explains y he didnt even link ne1's blog now...haha
m happie coz it proves 2 me tt all along i did not take e wrong path...set ur frenz at e highest priority n not luv...coz frenz r e 1 hu can reallie gif u comfort n b dere 4 u...but ur luv ones will onlie do all these when they r wif u...so dun ever b a bitch or bastard 2 choose luv over frenz...coz u'll onlie regret...lolx...luckily i've alwae set frenz at e highest though i noe i was so in luv tt time...but i noe i didnt neglect my frenz...haha...so yah...frenz r alwae e bez u can ever find...luv my frenz...n i noe i've alwae met e rite gp of frenz...ai ni men!!!
Saturday, July 23, 2005
i saw some things tt i shdnt haf seen...n yes...i seriously look down on pple hu alwae lies...he told me e gal he lyk wasnt ah d*** n blah blah blah...n guess wat...i saw him wif her 2dae at nydc...but he didnt c me...saw it wif my own eyes...plus it's e place where we celebrated my bdae wif my class dere...n now wif tt galz...haixx...but it's gd lah...at least i get 2 c his true colors...after been hang dere 4 e whole 2 mths without knowing e reasons n stuffs...m able 2 move on now le...n wun haf things hanging on me nemore...tis kind of guys suan le ba...no point pondering over him...n oso reallie haf 2 thanz 2 my eyes 4 letting me c a more beautiful world in front of me...lolx2dae muz reallie thanz 2 chris 4 reallie companying me frm morning till nite...tok so much things out...n ask him 2 confirm if tt gal was ah d***...chris reallie put in effort 2 cheer me up 2dae...thanz so much...went 2 ps arcade ard 10++ lyk tt...it's been lyk dunno when since i went dere...guess e last time was at great world ba...cant rem...chris was trying 2 catch those little soft toys n yah i was trying 2 aim e points...childhood games...n oso photohunt...but i tink photohunt was a bit mad...machine spoil spoil...den make us lyk sian...haha...got forced 2 eat lyk hell by him 2dae man...n yah...feel much betta after knowing e truth n stuffs n m starting 2 eat back bit by bit...2 make all of u luff...guess wat...i failed my basic theory...lolx...it suppose 2 b damn easy but i failed...coz didnt study at all...mood wasnt tt gd in e pass few days...but at least now i noe i will study 4 e 2nd go...=)) thanz 2 chris once again...
okie...so yes was irwan hu companied me...n he's e poor thing wan...got e listen 2 all my crap shit stuffs here n dere...but it reallie makes me feel much betta...n oso thanz 4 companying me 2 walk hm frm town...e feeling is so gd...i missed it man...haha
-moving on-
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
m so happie 2dae...coz i managed 2 change my theory 2 tis fri...thanz 2 e person hu change his/her time slots...so i manage 2 get 1...even tis can prove me 1 thing so rite...when u put in effort 2 achieve it...results does not show immediately...but it still will happen in e future...cheers 2 tt...was so bored during attachment 2dae...n went 2 read back e pass entries frm last jul...looking back at e happie moments made me smile...looking bad at e quarrels n bad times we had...made me so pain...made me got e urge 2 hug u so tight...2 tell u exactly how i feel 2wards u...how warm u r n so many many things...sorrie but i tink it's time 2 blurt out everything now...if u cant tk it...den dun continue reading...
i noe it's gonna b hard 4 e 2 of us now...n it's so obvious tt u h8 me 2 e core now...but afterall is it reallie tt neccessary 2 even blocked me in ur msn??u r not even making me 2 move on...instead leaving so many many things hanging dere...juz wanted 2 noe how haf u been n stuffs instead of u blogging things tt's so irrelavant...i juz cant believe one's feelings could b gone so fast...so fast 2 e extend...after all we haf gone through...1 of my colleagues told me it happens in all r/s...it's so common tt every1 will face tis kind of things...if u cant get through...despite hu u r gonna b wif...things will b e same...h8 me 4 all u wan if tt will calm u down...2 u...i've nv even left ne gd memories 4 u...but all i can sae is tt my feelings 4 u r still reallie strong though it's a tough way out...n i dun even noe when will my feelings 4 u actuallie start 2 fate despite u being heartless 2 me...17th doesnt mean nemore 2 u...but it lives 4eva in me...u gave me so much sweet n lovely memories tt i cant wash them away...u said u luv me 4 hu m i n nothing's gonna change ur luv 4 me...it's pain 2 hear e true now...so pain...so much things 2 tell n 2 accept...wateva it takes...i'll b happie as long as u r happie...
our 1 yr was suppose 2 b sumthing so special 4 us...2 mk us patch back...been hoping 4 tt dae...but u juz wan me 2 let go...if i havent let u go...i would haf contact u...irritate u lyk hell...ur bdae r oso round e corner...which means chinese garden will b back so soon...dun even noe if deep down inside u still miss those happie moments we had...chinese garden was e ans tt i gif myself 2 choose between u or her...n i noe i made e rite choice as time goes...n e amt of effort u put made me so happie 2...at e beginning was e 1st song we ever sing 2gether...new yr n xmas countdowns at ur place...mahjong xbox risk n e way my frenz n us njoy 2gether...going 2 each other homes n 2 slack ard...cooking at ur place 4 u...visit u when u r sick...helping each other in our projects n studying 2gether...toking on e phn every now n den n oso b4 we go 2 bed...bus rides n lying down on u n fell aslp along our journey...having dinner everydae n oso going 2 arcades 4 our photohunt...spending e time wif u at e airport when owen was leaving 4 india...watching movies wif u...going nite safari n got scare by e darkness...swimming tanning n bowling...our surprise our laughter our huggies n our kisses...most unforgetable moments will alwae b how we got 2gether...e flowers...returning frm stong...chalets wif urs n my classmates...planning 4 our future...how we wan our hm 2 look lyk...e jap n filled wif wood place...n oso hotels at shangri la n marriot...e monopoly n oso e hershey's chocolate...n oso jack's place 4 my bdae...breakfast at shangri la...so many things...dun u miss at all...thanz 4 all e memories...i'll nv 4get those 4 they will remain in me 4 life...
noe it's useless 2 sae all these now...but im gonna collapse so soon...stop my jap class my cca n oso quit my job...all these i cant haf them back nemore...n y do i choose 2 gif them up??juz bcoz i wanna spend as much time wif u as possible...2 c u everydae...wanted 2 ask u wat ur entries means on e 16th of jul but i cant contact u...dere's no way...plus u r having ur common tests now...i noe u seriously need a break frm me...wanted 2 ask e most was whether ur msn nick was meant 4 me...which i reallie hope...e distance between us is so far...i cant reach u...m left so far behind...no matter how life's gonna b 4 e both of us...an obi-wan will nv leave...will alwae b dere 4 u...time will tell everything...hong kong trip will still carry on 4 me despite if u r still going wif me...coz im ready 4 a bag pack tour 4 myself...newae stay happie alwae...n i hope u'll b back tt lively sean loh i noe in obs camp...post back everything u r going through in ur blog so tt i noe u r happie...=))
time 2 relax!!!read on:
First Time
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread Her legs apart
And when I did it I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow.....
caught u!!!juz wat r u tinking??so dirty n horny rite??lolx...tt's y im being called horny 69 mah...lolx...newae credits 2 chris 4 making me luff 2dae...so e dirty 1 is him not me...noe all of u r trying hard 2 brightens up my dae...n i can reallie feel it...sorrie 2 make every1 out dere 4 worrying...n alwae hearing me 2 mention our pass...but true luv nv dies mah...fire will still b burning strongly rite??newae u guys r all my great buddies...thanz so mucuh n i luv all of u...frenz 4 life!!!
-right here waiting-
Monday, July 18, 2005
after 1++ mth of sickness...i tink i'll make myself suffer more...got drench when on my way 2 skool frm work...rain was so heavy...n u noe...i dun bring umbrella...so yah...juz walk lyk tt...met up wif those few...shd haf work till 4 instead of 1...coz oso nv do nething...finallie manage 2 train myself up a little...ran 2.4 wif joey n chris...dun even haf e confidence 2 run...coz it's been so damn long since i train le...luckily manage 2 complete though did walk quite a bit...need 2 train more...n oso finallie get 2 wear my track shoes le...it's so striking but i juz luv it since it's chosen by me n him...plus it's my bdae pressie...so many many things...lolxnewae...thanz 2 kristen 4 encouraging me 2 run...ask me dun stop wheneva i reach e ending of each round...physically m so tired le...dunno when will totally collapse down...juz cant wait...so tt i wun haf e chance 2 tink of nething...i wan my mentally 2 collapse oso...tt will b e bez of all...pack myself so tight until i dun even haf an average slp of 5 hrs/day...*bleah*...newae had dinner wif joey n tt chris pang sei us 2 pei fiona...haha...ai qing de li liang...so sweet...joey bullie me...force me 2 eat so damn much...newae...once i reached hm...shit out everything le...so dun mk ne diff...fated cant grow fat de...haha...so nez time dun need waste money eat le...rather save up n go travel ba...=))
-right here waiting-
Sunday, July 17, 2005
haixx...m so sad...m losing my voice now...haf been sick 4 1++ mth le...isnt recovering at all...juz keep changing e type of sickness onlie...im so useless ba...dun even noe how 2 tk care of myself...how 2 b nu qiang ren...haixxnewae...rush down 2 ssdc 2dae 2 register 4 btt coz 4 jul slot left 1 vacancy n i purposely took a cab down...oledi knew was 2 risky le...but juz took a cab...ended up reallie waste e 8 bucks...so suay...juz hope tt got pple cancel their time slot den i can push mine 2 e front...2dae spent 70 bucks le...oso dunno wat m i doing recently...rather dun work den work...once i got e money juz spend n spend...luckily oledi set aside some 4 e hk trip le...even though it's a impossible n unrealistic trip but yah...juz leave aside...wun touch those money...n gonna put in more so tt when if 1 dae m able 2 go...will reallie go so happily...n oso tk so many many pix...so long nv tk lotsa pix le...i wanna buy a digicam!!! y in e world tt everything oso needs money...im so drained out le...i need rest...work n skool n so many things r pressing down on me...my head is gonna collapse so soon...
i need some1 2 massage 4 me now so damn much...a real gd massage n i mean it...shoulders hurts lyk hell...n gonna haf brain damage if i dun get nemore rest...cant even slp on bus rides nemore coz no1 will wk me up...n i'll definitely miss my stop...haha...kept smelling something everydae 2 replace e smell of some1...arent i silly...arent i crazy...tis is so saddening...kylie wong is going crazy
newae 2 all my frenz out dere...esp 2 my clazmates n all e ijians...6th aug all go chiong k...coz got cjc bash...confirm got lotsa ijians dere...haha...n adeline i bk u on tt dae 1st...coz we'll b so relax le...it's e dae after we submit our reports...yeah!!!cheers 2 tt...i cant wait 4 nez mth le...so many many things...so many many memories...so many many special dae 4 me...but e 1 i hope it's special it's so impossible le...haf let him go le...but feelings r juz 2 strong ba...lastly...happie 11th mth 2 tis zi lian kuang again...17th jul juz pass lyk tt...nez mth will b e same again i guess...
juz realise e lyrics of rite here waiting suits me so well...esp e lines of:
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last, somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
-rite here waiting-
im finallie hm after a long n tired day...haf been coming back so late in e nite recently...tink my body oso cant tk it le...so tired...juz need so much rest...haixx
went 2 expo 2dae wif a weird combi...yasi anne n blah blah...totally weird combi...haha...was e guinness celebration or sumthing...got dinner n concert...dinner was lyk wedding dinner those kind...got shark fins n stuffs...but i was shivering lyk hell...so damn cold...lolx...newae got tis few tix frm anne's bf...n e stars hu came were zhou chuan xiong...ah du n alex to...oh my tian...alex to is so cool n hot...he mk every1 go crazy...juz luv his tuo diao...damn nice...n he reallie tuo...arh!!!a live show is alwae betta den sitting in front of e tv...atmosphere dere is still betta...miss alex to's songs so much...he sang so many of his previous albums songs...juz luv those songs man...qing ren...ba ni chong huai...wu xing shang hai...n etc...ah du sang 1 song tt i reallie luv but obviously not he sing lah...i onlie lyk e original singer...n tt's right here waiting by richard marx...haha
was damn tired n gotta rush 4 e last train...me n yasi lyk ko inside...damn damn tired...legs lyk numb le...haha...stopped at commonwealth juz now 2 meet chris...finallie got e basic theory bk le...2molo work wun b so bored le i guess...took a cab back wif yasi n dunno y e midnite charge so cheap...is less den 1.5 lor...i oso dunno how 2 calculate lah...but juz noe tt go 2 yasi place den u-turn 2 my hm n it onlie costs us 6++ bucks...much betta den yes frm chinablack...haha
now haf oledi pass 12 n it's 17th le...zi lian kuang here wishes herself happie 11th month...im so tired!!!haixx...
richard marx --- right here waiting
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last, somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end, if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
Waiting for you
Saturday, July 16, 2005
blogging n blogging...haf been doing it everydae...but tink onlie blog can listen 2 me though it doesnt reallie mk me feel betta...haixx...newae it's so sian...all our selected elective got cock up...every1 didnt get 2 e elective we selected...they juz haf 2 tk out e modules tt i wanted most...n gif me those i didnt even choose...lucky going back on mon...e few of us gonna complain 2gether...n after attachment will b training i tink...lolxas mentioned in e previous post...joey n chris came 2 look 4 me at my workplace...but they came so late...haha...joey sae my dresscode was so formal...bleah...my office lady look nice not...haha...met up wif them after i changed n stuffs...told them they will get a shocked when i come out...n yes they did...promise few of them i'll start 2 change le...haha...n both of them sae they will ai shang wo frm e way i dress yes...coz was sweet n stuffs...haha...but i guess it's 2 mk me happie ba...hor??
yes black wasnt as fun as e previous time...didnt get a seat plus was so damn packed...mayb was coz im damn tired after work n oso dun wanna get drunk again...so didnt drink much n dance a while onlie ba...n tis 2pid irwan go n tell every1 a guy wanna noe me...haha...damn funnie...den floyd kp saeing he gd n etc etc...but im sorrie...haf lost interest in guys n i mean it...cant even b bothered 2 look at ne of them...or shd i sae i juz concentrate looking at butch instead...haha...my heart havent settled down in e 1st place so wun do nething 2pid...plus it doesnt means break oledi muz attach...njoy life while i still can ba...newae i kissed joey lips 2 lips yes...haha...guys r 2pid...kp making 1 hurt after e other...hope she's doing fine now wif her bf...at least her bf noe how 2 look 4 her after such big things happen...=)) she's so ke lian...puke 4 times yes...worse den tt time i got drunk...haha...slack at e bar after tt...n managed 2 get a seat...guys went 2 order drinks n i kept drawing 1 word on e bottle...n i tink they feel lyk killing me ba...haha...left much earlier tis time...ard 3 lyk tt...n floyd treat me fries...hehe...n cab fare he n chris dun wanna let me pay...aiyo...guys r so niao wan leh...=p
oh yesh...n i saw ronald dere...he's still e same as b4...nv changed b4...didnt get a shocked 2 c him lah...since i noe he's a clubber...haha...msn nick 4eva so sweet de...friendster oso...vivian n vivian...jealous lyk hell...wanted 2 dance wif him de...since he used 2 b my dance partner...but cant find him until he was leaving le...so sad...but yah...miss e days during sportscamp...my dnd n clubbing dance partner...=))
nu qiang ren road is juz so hard 2 walk...kylie did prove 1 thing so rite 2 herself...being occupied doesnt mean nething...it's onlie juz 2 mk u dun feel lonely at all...thanz 2 all her frenz out dere once again...ai si ni men le!!!
kylie is still feeling so hurt n pain n she sings out loud:
i luv u...
u luv me...
we r 1 big family...
wif a great big hug n a kiss frm me 2 u...
wun u sae u luv me 2??
friendster horoscope 4 me:
There's nothing wrong with asking for help, especially when you need it because a plan you put into action is doing so darned well that you can't handle it alone any more. You have the potential to make all your dreams come true in very short order. If you're confident that you're on the right track, start recruiting. In the process, you may be able to help someone else make a success of themselves, too.
Friday, July 15, 2005
m so bored now...2dae m gonna work full shift...13 hrs...sianz...hueva is free ltr pls cum visit me k...it's at level 3...heng joey n chris will b coming frm 8 2 company me till close...lolx...shall start of wif yes...n it's gonna b a long entry...lolxyes was ict graduation ceremony...1 more yr n it's gonna b my turn le...time flies without us noticing...so sad...after tt oso dunno wat i wanna do...dun haf ne plans 4 my future yet...juz feel lyk going into uni 2 continue studying n oso 2 mk more frenz...tt's my life ba...but as my results is showing..uni is juz gonna ignore me str8...haha...wondering hu shd i invite 4 my graduation...parents r kind of out i guess...so most prob nobody or some1 reallie close 2 me at tt time ba...=))
haixx...wanna tk up so many things now...but wondering if i got e money n time 4 it not...gonna tk up driving n mayb oso cooking lesson...i noe it sounds weird but yah...it's true...chris is gonna look 4 e cooking n stuffs coz he oso wanna learn...but it's gonna b real x i guess...driving is obviously x but no choice le...hu eva wanna learn driving pls contact me asap den can go sign up 2gether...haha...my aim 4 now is 2 b a nu(wif 2 dots on top) qiang ren...n it's gonna b a real tough road ahead now...haf been trying 2 overcome all e down side of me now...n i tink tt's wat all nu qiang ren will experience b4 they bcum 1...so yah...m prepared 2 tk tis risk le...in e future wanna those kind of nu qiang ren...ru de liao chu fang...chu de liao ting tang...hard 2 explain in english...lolx
newae will continue wif yes...yes was a black day i guess...so many pple wore black n me joey n ling wore exactly e same top...haha...n jock all wore black oso...every1 is trying 2 hide dere feelings is it??me joey n chris were in e library yes...n throughout we juz tok abt our luv life n of coz sex!!!we cld actuallie tok so long...mayb we noe each other 4 so long le...n oso veri opened up 2 one another...it's kind of funnie as we tink...our pass n our sillyness...so cute n memorable...haha
newae met up wif e rest at ps ard 7...n seriously all black except irwan...haha...went tcc den cafe cartel...n indochine...indochine is not bad lah...but juz no mood 4 drinks n dance...coz it's x i guess...n i dunno wat's wrong wif joey alan n owen...a normal tube can tink until bcum lj...haha...i tot of condom n chris tot of washing machine...diaoz...haha...slack until 12++ lyk tt...n were juz crapping 2dae go newton eat since they cuming 2 find me...but dunno y ended going 2 chinablack 2nite...guess we r juz on ba...haha...last min oso can chiong...r we 2 stressed of everything...so many things tt's happening ard us...luv life...projects...etc...n our nafra r juz round e corner le...gonna start 2 train up le...stamina totally gone...haixx
2nite will b black...so happening...haha...2 weeks ltr gonna chiong again...i've bcum a bad gal le...haha...haf been reading up on horoscope n oso luv n sex life...all those rubbish magazines in giftshop...so interesting...haha...getting more n more interested abt sex i guess...lolx...2nite is gonna b so much more fun den previous coz dere will b more pple...hehe
-luv me...luv me not-
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
wanna thanz my frenz 4 companying me these few days...reallie needed it...it's a long way more 4 me 2 go...fyp it's my top priority now...haf change my schedule 4 work nez week le...lyk nv work lyk tt...lolx...thanz 2 my pals 4 opening me up...it's juz gonna tk time...but i promise i'll move on...wun b so 2pid nemore...m gonna luv myself frm now on...zi lian kuang still suits me e bez...so pple...dun worrie abt me k??treated tis as my 1st coz e other was not even worth counted...now i noe y pple sae 1st luv alwae hurt e most when it fails...n oso e hardest 2 4get esp when u haf done so many 1st things wif each other...when u cry 4 some1...it's doesnt means how sad u r...means how much u luv tt person...coz 1 will onlie cry 4 some 1 they luv...it will onlie happen once in a lifetime 2 get some1 hu luv u tis much...=))
tink it's 2pid 4 me 2 remove those pix yes...wat's e pt of removing it??i'll juz b avoiding n avoiding...n 1 dae i'll still haf 2 face it...m gonna face it all e way till i reallie move on...not gonna b lyk him...dere's no pt in avoiding nemore...coz when u reallie face it 1 dae...it will onlie hurt u more...i noe tis bcoz im e 1 hu used 2 b lyk tis...trust me on tis...1 dae u'll definitely regret 4 wat u haf done 2 me...even though u r happie wif ur life now...
it took me weeks 2 move on a little bit...2 luff n stuffs...n u push me all e way down again...making me cant slp once again...y do u luv torturing me so much??havent u revenge enuff on me??it wun gain u nething...n instead u r making both so pain...2 4get is sumthing i wun do...i'll juz move on as i can n i keep e past as memories...memories can nv b wash away no matter how u r gonna avoid it...plus we haf spend so many occasions 2gether...when ne of them come...memories do reappear...since u dun wanna tell me e reasons...dun wanna reply e email...den is fine...but i've stopped contacting u 4 so long le...arent u happie enuff??
spend so much money n effort on doing things 4 our upcomings occasions...took me so long 2 do it...but i dun tink u will even wanna noe wat is it...so yah...i'll juz kp it juz incase u threw it away oso...since u haf deleted away all e pix...den juz send me back all e stuffs tt we once had...i'll b e 1 2 kp those stuffs...den u'll b able 2 4get me even as a person...happie??
finallie...wateva gonna happens in e future...if u wanna ignore me is fine...but dun ever 4get how my frenz n family treated u in e pass...all e efforts tt my frenz put in 2 help us...how they celebrated ur bdae n all e events tt they gif u all e sweet moments...they r afterall ur frenz oso...=)) newae...gd luck 4 ur exams n tk care...tata
-haf 2 stop my countdowns oledi-
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
hey guys...remove all e pix frm my bloggie...friendster n msn...as in me n his pix...everywhere i cld tink i've placed it publicly...coz was requested...so yah...wonder how can i actuallie 4get e other so fast even though dere r so many downs...dere r ups 2 in a r/s...we arent a strong couple at all...cant fight through our way dere...mayb it's gd tt we r lyk tt now...u r so happie wif ur decision den it's fine...dere's nothing more 4 me 2 sae...at least i noe i've put in lotsa efforts though it's all a waste...our friendster horoscope 4 e day:Hmm -- maybe, just maybe, it's time to get some things out on the table? There seems to be some intense stuff going on, yet neither of you is actually acknowledging it. This is especially true if you've been teaming up on any projects or plans; or maybe you've been waiting for the right time to share a secret. The good news is that, despite whatever agendas you're carefully keeping cloaked, the two of you are actually very receptive to each other now. No time like the present, right? --seems 2 b so true...haixx
i guess it's oso time 4 me 2 change my bloggie skins n stuffs...will do it once i've got e time...gonna change my friendster profile n every everything...it's so hard 4 me 2 luff in front of my frenz...did took me a while tt time...n now...u mk broke down in front of them again...u r juz so great mr loh...i've regret wat im doing all these while...since im halfway through oledi...will juz complete it wif no regrets den...till den...sign off
-36 more days 2 go-
Monday, July 11, 2005
start 2 luv my hairstyle more n more le...so many pple tell me veri nice...haha...zhen xiang was e 1st n now few of my colleagues...got quite a few colleagues tot i was a malay eversince i step into sheraton...2dae 1 of them told me coz of my eyes...big big den look lyk 1...but they sae big eyes veri pretty wan...haha...so yah...i juz reply thanz thanz...*bleah*...m changing my outer look day by day...wanna look diff n more fresh...lolxnewae...2dae my colleague gif me a shock...ask me go down gift shop 2 company her coz she got so much prob...plus she quarrel wif her hubby on e phn so loud coz of lyk another gal...n she cried...dun reallie noe how 2 console her coz i myself m still veri hurt by r/s these kind of stuffs...haixx...juz ask her 2 look on e brighter side n stuffs...e other colleague was e bf dun wanna recognise her when he's wif another gal...so mean...y r guys nowadays so mean??they juz njoy hurting gal's feeling so much...mk them regret 4 everything all gals haf given 2 them...y cant guys juz luv n treasure their luv ones wholeheartedly instead of poking n hurting them every now n den??now i noe y r they so many lesbians n it's increasing each dae...wun b shock tt dere will b 1 dae when all guys r left alone...looking 4ward 2 tt dae newae...haha
sum1 told me so much abt horoscope...n im a rather superstitous person...so yah...she sae aquarius-ians alwae kanna tao hua yun...which is lotsa pple will fall 4 them...im lyk tinking...hmm...it'll b so nice 2 hear tt...but hu will reallie lyk me??n how many pple haf ever fall 4 me??lolx...den she told me virgo-ians r veri faithful pple...dunno she juz wanna mk me happie by saeing tt or wat...but i guess it's rather true oso...got 2 gal buddies virgo-ians...n they r reallie faithful 2 e person they luv...n she got 4 guys frenz hu r virgo-ians...n told me they treat their gf damn nice...n r so faithful...juz hope tt it's true afterall...hope e virgo-ian im waiting 4 still luv me lots...will look up 4 me oso...n stuffs...yah...m waiting day n nite 4 him 2 contact me...=/
our friendster horoscope:The two of you have the cosmic opportunity now to get something exactly, perfectly right. People act like perfectionism is some sort of disease, but you know they're the same people who haul out this very concept when asked what their flaws are in job interviews. Show 'em how it's done; it shouldn't be a problem with your combined efficiency and practicality. If one of you has a flash of intuition, heed that as well. You two can polish this off with a style others only dream of.
m so looking 4ward 2 17th aug now...or shd i sae 17th jul...got all e things tt i've prepared...even though u h8 me...pls contact me b4 sun comes...coz dere's sumthing 2 pass 2 u...haf been waiting 4 u 2 contact me 4 so long le...haf ur anger gone down??or is it still so high up hanging dere??or still trying so hard 2 4get...2 move on??pls look 4ward 2 5th sep yah...dere r so many programs planned 4 u...waiting n waiting n waiting...y??
-bcoz true luv nv dies-
-37 more days 2 go-
Sunday, July 10, 2005
thanz 2 eva 4 accompanying me 2dae...if not will b left so alone 2 do shopping...newae havent been seeing her 4 lyk 2++ years oledi...she bcum so gal oledi...on my tian...lolx...finallie reallie get 2 shop around...n i juz luv shopping wif eva...juz found out 2dae tt we actuallie got e same kind of taste 4 clothes...make shopping so much easier 4 us...n we juz luv black so much...haha...n oso finallie after so long...i got myself clothes...gonna go shopping wif her again nez week n nez nez week...i juz miss shopping so much...e feeling is so great...esp when u r wif ur...hand in hand...e luv juz mk u warm...but now tt it's left hanging dere...frenz do make me feel reallie warm oso...thanz lots eva...=))e care : down below...i can find myself...e darkness is my soul...e silence is my words...my eyes r opened...my heart is closed...i'll nv lose my way around e cave...becoz e darkness is inside me...
-so near yet so far-
-38 more days 2 go-
Friday, July 08, 2005
i wanna go shopping!!!so stressed up wif so many stuffs nowadays...juz need sometime 2 relax myself...ended up didnt tell my manager 2dae...instead we tok some bo liao stuffs...cant bear 2 leave afterall...reallie need e money 2 do so much things recently...haixx...newae guess i'll b going shopping on sun after work ba...dunno hu 2 go wif oso...juz feel lyk buying some clothes 4 myself b4 e sales end...mayb shop alone might b gd though it's kind of lonely...but at least nobody will b giving me comments n i can haf sometime 4 myself...read newspaper while working 2dae...n read tis pg in e life section n i tink i kind of suits me...it's on life pg 6...but m gonna type it all out here 4 those hu dun buy newspaper de...lolx...dere u go:
e heart has reasons that reason cannot know...somehow we find ourselves captivated by e wrong person...or r completely blind 2 e 1 hu cares most abt us...often e 1st luv juz comes at e wrong time...or we lost it becoz we dun treasure it enuff...how many of us r blessed enuff 2 recognise it 4 wat it is...or even 2 haf it??we r childish immature misguided naive impatient n foolish...n even when we stop being tt...e heart remains deceitful n fickle...sometimes i tink tt i'll nv stop getting my heart broken...i've given off myself so many times n gotten so little in return...tt i egin 2 tire n wonder when my time will come...i noe tt luv is real...it is not fleeting or imagined but it is not something tt will come easily...we can only haf it when we learnt wat it means 2 treasure it...cherish e luv tt comes within ur grasp...n u wun lose it...
mr rite juz doesnt come along...women 2dae haf a veri open view 2wards relationships...instead of guys fooling ard...as claimed by many women...i tink it's e other wae ard...women always claim tt there r no gd men out dere or tt they haf been taken...women now look 4 more things in a partner or relationship...they want excitement n someone wif lotsa confidence n is fun 2 hang out wif...these traits will b found in guys hu r master of relationships or flings...in other words...women find tt "bad" guys r more attractive den e boring "gd" guys...i haf always dreamt of meeting some1 2 fall happily in luv wif...after all these times...i've learnt tt u haf 2 mk an effort 2 find tt person...n when u do...u muz b content...
n yesh...kylie wong here haf seriously learnt so much things in tis relationships...m so happie during e moments...though it's..........but m happie tt i found him last july...m satisfied oledi...not gonna ask 4 nething else...will put in lotsa efforts n work hard even if dere's a slight/no chance of him cuming back...shall do wif wat im suppose 2 do till den...sign off
-40 more days 2 go-
Thursday, July 07, 2005
hurt.lost.incomplete.indecisive.unbearablemet up wif my supervisor 2dae n juz realised we r kind of far frm our project...n it's onlie 2 weeks more 2 go n we'll haf 2 submit le...i cant cope nemore...got no time 2 work on it...got 2 work every mon wed fri n sun...ask b4 2 tk off but failed...obviously studies is more impt den working now...but i seriously need e money 2 support myself now...no1 is gonna support me nemore...reallie wanted 2 stop working 4 1 whole mth 1st but they dun allow...told my mum abt it...she sae resign lah...it's sae easier den done...how m i gonna survive when dere's no way i can support myself??plus im slimming down each dae oledi...stress is pulling me all e wae down...i've got no more strength 2 fight nemore...onlie managed 2 get lyk 4-5 hrs slp everydae...head is so pain...will try 2 tok 2 my manager abt tis matter 2molo...if dere's reallie no choice...i guess i've got 2 reallie quit my job...n 4 e money case...cant tink much now...i got 2 pass my fyp no matter wat...e feeling of retaking sux...pm is oledi 1...i cant tk e risk 2 retain nemore...at most juz tk it as a slimming program 4 me now...i juz need a mth break...got so much things 2 do now...haixx
2 a dearest frenz out dere...u noe hu u r...nething juz cum find me yah...will alwae b dere 2 hear u out...we r both on e same boat now...understand fully how u feel now...e road ahead is gonna b tough 4 u now...u'll definitely fall during tis time...but it's oso a time 2 learn new things...will alwae b dere 4 u...=))
-41 more days 2 go-
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
hey pple...guess wat?!?finallie i got my long awaited haircut...haha...thanz 2 alan n joey 4 accompanying me juz now...went 2 ps alone 2 cut but didnt noe it shifted 2 e other level so tot was gone...met up wif them n alan send me all e way 2 toa payoh 2 cut since i wanted qb house...it's cheap mah...haha...but i got a gd haircut i muz sae...luv e layers...so much betta den e previous wan...though it's much shorter...but i juz luv it...hahamy schedule is totallie cock up now...got no time 2 rest...no time 2 slp...no time 2 shop...no time 2 njoy...haf been working 8-6 tis whole week n nez week will b 1-9 n nez fri will b e worst...8am-9pm...how m i gonna survive??so pple...if u r free nez fri...pls cum visit me frm afternoon onwards...it's at level 3 yah...newae it's oso e last dae of skool nez fri b4 study break...so pls cum visit me...if not i'll juz knock off during work...h8 my schedule now...dun even haf time 2 do my fyp...n oso wat im suppose 2 do...1 more mth 2 go n i'll b done wif fyp...yeah!!! n 1 more mth 2 go will b...hope e promise made on tt dae will still cum true...provided u noe wat promise we made tt dae...=))
every1 out dere can definitely win or get wateva they wan...victory can definitely b achieve despite all odds or wateva difficulties each encounter...but no matter how strong 1 is...1 can nv win by their own loneliness...loneliness is e scariest thing 1 could ever experience...dere's nothing u can do 2 fight against wif being lonely...e feeling is juz so pain...so lost...so useless...once u experienced...it juz brings u all e way down n u r totallie gone...no aim in life nemore...juz cant move on...until ur guardian angel appears 2 save u frm e dark...so nv try 2 experience e life of being lonely...it sux totallie...
-42 more days 2 go-
Monday, July 04, 2005
haf been blogging everydae recently...mayb m juz getting 2 bored at hm...nothing 2 do...nowhere 2 go...every1's so busy n i cant bother them nemore...all my close frenz r attach if not they r busy wif their skool work...havent been watching a single movie eversince kingdom of heaven...wanted 2 watch initial d e most...but every1 watched it le...now wars of the worlds n oso a lot lyk luv...dun even tink im able 2 watch nemore movie frm now on...unless i watch by myself...nowadays pple juz watched it on e 1st few days...n as 4 me...juz kp missing 1 by 1...my life is starting 2 get so dead...everydae after work or skool juz cum hm n slack...now i noe y i'll fall sick le...not used 2 tis kind of living at all...haixx24th may was e spark of everything...n 25th may caused me 2 lose everything...2 days n everything is gone??till now...it still hurts lots...mayb im juz not fit 2 b e 1 being luv by sum1 instead of hate...does luv reallie bring happiness 2 pple??instead i tink it brings more pain...mayb it's true no pain no gain...but until now...i still cant c my future...it's juz 2 hard 2 move on...walk 1 step n juz kp falling...wanna go 2 sumwhere where i can 4get everything n let me stop tinking...living here juz hurts me more n more each dae...even by juz going hm it does reminds me of how we alwae go hm 2gether...i juz wanna leave tis place so much...it's so pain!!!
kylie haf been a reallie bad gal nowadays...wondering wat e hell is she doing recently...making herself suffer so much when she even noe she doesnt gain nething frm it...she's juz so 2pid...2pid until nobody wants her...being thrown aside n feeling so restless...haf 2 accept wat every1 is commenting her esp how her wan sae her everydae...she haf 2 act strong in front of every1 even when her heart is crying lyk hell...she's wishing everydae tt her guardian angel will appear asap 2 guide her...2 protect her frm all odds she's facing now...she's left wif no hope...except 2 force herself 2 continue living each dae...
-44 more days 2 go-
Sunday, July 03, 2005
e feeling of hangover can juz kill me...head is still a bit pain even after so long le...newae...went 2 meet up wif chris n owen juz now in town 4 a short while...tot they wanted 2 chill or sumthing...but i guess it's more 2 they wanna mk sure i haf my meals...coz after walking a while...we went hm le...thanz so much 2 e both of u...oso thanz 2 owen 4 buying e herbal tea 4 me...was lyk damn shocked coz i onlie noe he was getting 4 lay kheng...lolx...though i dun drink de but tis time will try 2 drink lah...e taste is so yucky...owen told me yes i puke on him n erm...feel so bad...will buy u back 1 handkerchief 4 u...haha...n he's so idiot...still go n mk up stories wif chris 2 bluff me wat happened yes...but guess he put in lotsa efforts 2 carry me back 2 lk's hm le...oso realise i fell aslp on lk along e mango area dere...when i puke at mac...owen sae i dunno y cant stop moving...still can actuallie fall onto e ground n sit on e puke spot...i tink i'll nv go back 2 black le...so pai seh...plus i lost my ear rings n hair clip at mac...sad sad...luckily is i buy myself de if not oso dunno le...gonna buy back exactly e same pair since i luv them lots...haha
i choose 2 luv in silence 4 in silence i find no rejection...i choose 2 luv in ur loneliness 4 in ur loneliness no one owns but me...
-45 more days 2 go-
finallie i get 2 go 2 chinablack yes...but dun tink will go so often le...wasnt as fun as i expect...i h8 e queue n e bouncer...lolx...now i noe y xiang zhong n owen h8 2 go dere so much le...still kind of prefer zouk now...haha...yes incident wasnt something nice 2 share wif but will still sae it out lah...juz tt will mk myself lose face n stuffs
xiang zhong irwan owen lay kheng floyd sze wei n their frenz went yes...n i finallie get 2 c lay kheng le...haha...she's veri nice n sweet n muz reallie thanz 2 her lots...if not i'll die i guess...haha...will explain y ltr...but shd b kind of obvious wat i'll b saeing le...
drank 4-5 tequila pops n 1 shots n oso uncountable glass of vodka yes...tink i drank e most among all of them yes...plus i kept losing in e cai quan...so suay...but was reallie fun lah...haha...until dunno wat time...me lk xz n wan got so high coz we kp playing n drinking...we pull each other 2 dance...dance n dance...n halfway frm dere...i got drunk...tis is e 1st time in my life tt i got drunk...n e feeling sux man...lost ctrl of myself n frm dere cant rem a single thing le...m reallie sorrie 2 all of them coz they haf 2 pull me n oso tk care of me at e same time...when i was back 2 myself...i was oledi at lk's hm...lolx...reallie appreciate their efforts n yah...sorrie n thanz 2 u guys
obviously i'll get updates frm them abt yes incident...according 2 lk n wan...i was dancing lyk mad when i got drunk...xz n wan haf 2 literately drag me out of black since e rest left 1st...they cant even get me up 2 my feet n e bouncer even helped me up...lolx...met up wif e rest at mac n yah...i puke lots n oso cry lots...they didnt ask me y im lyk tt coz they noe y im behaving lyk tt lah...lk juz ask me 2 cry n puke out everything so tt i'll feel much betta...guess it's so pai seh 2 let them c me in tis state ba...lk oso puke when she c me puke...haha...but yah...they r all my reallie true frenz...n i can reallie tell by how they care 4 me n stuffs...thanz again...owen n wan helped me into e cab n wan get down 1st...according 2 lk...owen carried me up 2 her place n i was lyk huh?!?erm...so weird...summore is those kind of 2 arms carry...plus im so heavy...lk even changed clothes 4 me n stuffs...my body juz cant move at all...feeling so useless man...haha...newae dun rem ne of a single thing mention up dere n it's all according 2 them lah...promise wun get drunk nemore
when i wk up...head was feeling damn pain n giddy...bathed at lk's place n drank a hot tea...1st time meet her den leave her tis kind of impression...feel so bad...but luckily got her ard...if not i'll die man...xz msg my sis abt me staying out oso...but yah...my sis will noe wat happened once she read my bloggie oso...haha...took a cab back frm dere n wan send me hm...coz he live few blocks away frm lk...every1 msg me in e morning 2 ask if im okie n stuffs...n yah m much betta lah...oso damn touched by everything u guys did 4 me...=))
luving sum1 doesnt mean haf 2 b 2gether onlie applies when it's 1 sided luv...but when 2 fall 4 each other...they will go 4 tt person no matter wat's gonna cause them...nv 2 push or let go of sum1 u reallie/still luv deeply...when e other haf seriously leave by ur side...u'll regret 4 life...wounds can heal but scar can nv b healed
-45 more days 2 go-
Friday, July 01, 2005
im so dissappointed wif my body...m taking reallie gd care of it...plus i tot im recovering 4 my slp n stuffs...among all days i juz haf 2 fall sick yes...n im going 2 black 2molo...haixx...fever is going up n down n i've bcum so shag...no energy...no motivation n stuffs...dunno wat's wrong wif my body resistance oledi...or mayb i've over pushed myself...lolx...gotta work 2molo n i cant tk leave...how?!?!juz hope nothing will happen when working...n i dunno how m i gonna tok 2 e guess when im starting 2 lose my voice...tis is juz so sick...hope i can still mk it 2 black 2molo...since sun will b my off dae...n might b going 4 a haircut...juz need 2 change my image...i look so dead now...lolx2dae is les 2nd anniversary but apparently onlie 5 were dere...onlie went dere 2 eat n drink n we left le...feel kind of bad lah...den companied them 2 eat durians...n i wasnt even tempted 2 eat since i cant smell...muz recover b4 mon so tt i can get 2 eat...n oso those fried foods...haha
life is juz so hard 4 every1...when u dun get 2 c e person u luv...u r so tempted 2 look out 4 him even if it coz u 2 walk all ard 2 find him...n when u juz get 2 c e person by coincidence...u r so lost n dunno how 2 react except 2 look away...facing n avoiding is so painful 4 sum1 2 feel when u r juz so deeply in luv wif him...4getting is even worse...e more u try 2 4get...e harder it gets...how does 1 actuallie find real happiness in life when she knew tt things will nv change back??
-47 more days 2 go-
<--her world-->
~!~!~!~kY|iE~!~!~!~
.29th jan 1986.
.code: #03.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.i choose 2 luv in silence.
.4 in silence i find no rejection.
.i choose 2 luv in ur loneliness.
.4 in ur loneliness no 1 owns but
me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.nv luv a luv tt hurts.
.nv hurt a luv tt luvs.
.she desires.
.prada wallet + bag.
.b a trader.
~her memories~
.jun'04. .jul'04. .aug'04. .sep'04.
.oct'04. .nov'04. .dec'04. .jan'05.
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she reads...
everyone screams!!!